I should be really excited (and I am), but there’s something casting an overwhelming pall over the whole event.  This summer, I was in a relationship with this guy and we broke up when I moved out to Boston, but we said that we’d see where we were when I came back and kinda go from there.  And that’s worked so far.  We’ve talked a lot and texted and kept in touch throughout this semester.

But, as I get closer to going home, I can’t help but be a little worried.  We haven’t really been talking all that much in the last two weeks or so.  I know that I want to get back together with him; I just hope he still wants me too.

Meh.

Tonight, I watched the boy I kinda like make out with a girl.

God, life is…so predictable.

Ugh.

and now he’s texting me.

double ugh.

The one time I open Tumblr in class, not only is the first image gay porn, but its a gif…

And then my browser freezes.

What is my life?

and I’m already intensely missing sex.

Not just because it’s fun but because I miss liking someone enough to let them that close to me.

does it negate the fact that you’re eating oatmeal?

It’s one of the most annoying, obnoxious things, and the worst part of it is that it’s a recurring event.  I suspect that they’re straight, and I try to assume that they are, and yet I still get my hopes up a little bit.  And then I find out that I was right, that they are, in fact, straight, and then I feel like a jackass for thinking that there was a chance.

I’m not upset about being single because it’s not the biggest deal in the world.  I am upset that I let myself get hopeful and then get let down time after time.  It happens at least once a year and every time I feel the same way: annoyed, upset, and a little bit crestfallen.

Gay boy problems.

And I’m glad it’s over.

Tomorrow will be better.  Once my routine is established, I think things will be better.

It’s so easy to feel lonely in a big city - gotta figure out how to prevent that feeling anymore…

while moving in, going to orientation, going to a job interview, and getting internet set up in the apartment…wish me luck!

Not like a soup kitchen or a community garden, but something that involves immersion in a cause, like helping out in Africa or going to protest the dolphin slaughter in Japan (currently what I’m considering, if you can’t tell).

I don’t exactly know what I’d want to do, but I feel the need to be doing something to better our world.  I’ve become one of those people that I still, sometimes, have trouble understanding: someone who thinks things can change for the better.

Maybe I’m just fooling myself, but I feel the need to do something and I really hope something comes of it.